Conflicts
by KeeLoth
Summary: LSF RevanCarth, Carth deals with his feelings about Revan in the aftermath of their escape from Darth Malak and the Leviathan. Warning: major spoilers for KOTOR!


**Conflicts**

Carth wandered through the corridors of the Ebon Hawk until he found an empty room. He slowly slid the door closed, locking it behind him; he needed to be alone to think through the events of the long stressful day.

Carth sat down on one of the beds in the barracks; he ran his fingers through his hair as he let out a deep breath. Putting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes.

Surprisingly, the day had started out relatively normal… that was, until the Sith found them and used a tractor beam to pull their ship into the Leviathan's docking bay. That was when everything went downhill… **_way_** down.

Flashes of the day ran repeatedly through his head, the memories of his old mentor, Saul Karath torturing him came first; then being shot at and attacked by the Sith as he, Bastila, and… 'her' ran through the ship, trying to make their way to the bridge.

Once they reached the bridge, they ran into Saul, and he finally got revenge for the loss of his wife. Saul's death surprisingly didn't give him the comfort he had hoped for…

But, even all _that_ was a walk in the park compared to what came next… The dying words of his mentor ran through his head again and again.

The woman he admired… the woman he trusted with his _life_… the woman that he fell in **_love_** with… was the woman that betrayed the Jedi and became a Sith Lord... she was **_Revan_**.

Carth stood up and paced back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck. It was so hard for him to believe that _Tana_was **_Revan!_** Tana was a giving person; she would sacrifice her life for a perfect stranger! She was stubborn, willful, and sometimes annoyingly persistent. But that was what he liked… no, **_loved_** about her. Revan was a killer of **_millions_**, someone that would do anything to get more power… Revan was ruthless and… probably stubborn and willful too.

What scared him the most was that if she turned to the Dark Side once, what was stopping her from turning again?

Carth sighed, he knew that she had resisted the lure of the Dark Side before, but now that she knew she was Revan, would she still be that same Tana Lankaar he knew? Or would she slowly turn back into Revan?

He knew that she believed that she would never turn to the Dark Side, but that must have been the same thought that Revan and Malak had had until the day they turned… he knew that most don't plan on turning to the Dark Side and that they think they never would, until the day that they do.

Carth plopped back down on the bed. He could clearly remember the day on Taris that Tana had gone out early to buy groceries… He guessed that a merchant had talked her into buying perfume or something because when she walked into the apartment the sweet smell of tantas (a plant on Taris) filled the room. When he looked over at her, she looked like an angel… The fallen strands of her black hair perfectly outlined her slender face, and with the lighting from the hall, she looked like she was glowing. He knew that his mouth must have dropped open or something because of the way she had smiled at him.

That day was the day he realized his feelings toward her could develop into more then just friends… and that scared him. His friend had betrayed him, he lost his wife and almost lost his son…

He knew he tried to push her away because of his fears… but she had stuck by him and was so understanding. It was refreshing, and made him admire her even more… Just when he had stopped pushing her away, slowly letting down his guard, he found out that she was Revan. Immediately his guard had shot back up, once again pushing her away.

He realized that he couldn't just stand by and ignore his feelings for her, waiting for her to turn to the Dark Side if she wasn't ever going to… but he also knew that he couldn't handle betrayal again, he would lose it if she betrayed him… **_especially_** if anything developed between them.

He felt so confused; he hadn't had these feelings toward anyone since his wife. His **_mind_** told him not to trust her, to be careful… but his **_heart_** told him to trust her... to **_love_** her.

Carth groaned in frustration, why did she have to have such an **_effect_** on him?! He hated not being able to make up his mind. Was he allowing his feelings for her get in the way? Or was he letting his fears control him?

A knock on the door drew Carth out of his thoughts. He wasn't in the mood to talk to **_anyone_**, so he ignored whoever was on the other side of the door, but that didn't stop them from knocking again.

"Come on Carth, I know you're in there," Jolee insisted. "Are you going to open the door or do I use the Force to knock it down?"

Carth reluctantly got up and opened the door. "What do you want?"

"What, an old man like me can't come and just talk to a young man like you?" Jolee asked.

Carth glared at him, he wasn't in the mood for chitchat and wanted him to get to the point.

"Alright, alright, you know an old guy like me has the right to ramble… But I guess I will get to the point… I couldn't help but notice you're taking this Revan thing pretty hard… and if you need to talk to anyone I'm here," Jolee informed.

"Ok, good-bye," Carth replied, starting to close the door, but Jolee stopped him, stepping partly into the doorway.

"I just happened to notice that you need to talk to someone about this… so I'm not going to leave until you spill," Jolee firmly stated.

"I don't feel like talking," Carth said, folding his arms across his chest.

"That's usually a sign that you _need_ to talk."

"I **_don't_** feel like talking," Carth repeated.

"Well I'm going to talk and you can join in if you want."

"You're not going to leave me alone are you?"

"Nope," Jolee stated.

Carth sighed, and let him in. After closing the door, he sat back down on the bed.

"Boy, you really do need to talk don't you?" Jolee commented.

Carth didn't reply he just gave him an annoyed look.

"I know more about this type of thing then you'd think… I know you're scared to let your guard down… to let anyone in… You're afraid that you'll get hurt again… but if you don't let anyone in you will miss out on the best parts of life… friends… marriage… never have a special relationship with a specific someone…" Jolee paused, grinning at his startled look. "I knew that would get your attention. Yes, I know… and don't worry I don't think she does."

"But how?"

"Well, when you get to be my age you notice things… Like how you can't take your eyes off her when she's in the room… And how your demeanor changes whenever you're around her... But I am going to tell you one thing, if you let her go without even _trying_ to have a relationship, you _will_ regret it for the rest of your life." Jolee informed him.

"So you think I should jump headlong into a relationship with her, just to end up being betrayed again?"

"No, I think you should make up your mind already! Just don't expect her to betray you when she hasn't done anything to deserve that. I admit, it must be hard for you, finding out that she was Revan... but she **_isn't_** Revan anymore. And what if she does end up turning to the Dark Side and you weren't there to stop her? How would you feel then?"

"I don't know… I guess… I would feel somewhat responsible… But what if I do go into a relationship with her and she **_does_** betray me?"

"Then you should be happy for the time you had with her, and do everything in your power to bring her back to the Light Side," Jolee replied.

Carth sighed, it was helpful to talk to Jolee, but he was still scared that she would turn to the Dark Side… he was afraid of losing her… but if he didn't trust her, wasn't he losing her anyway? He realized that if he didn't at least try to trust her, try for a relationship with her, and do everything in his power to keep her from turning, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

"I need to know something; does she have the same feelings for me?" Carth asked hesitantly.

"That's something you should ask her… it's not my place to tell," Jolee answered, with a smile. "I see you're going to try for a relationship with her after all… Good luck and I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes…" Jolee informed, before leaving.

Carth suddenly felt the vaguely familiar knot forming in his stomach. One thing he never missed was that uncomfortable feeling he always seemed to get after making the decision to ask a girl out.

He realized he really needed to get moving if everything was going to be perfect for when he told her how he felt…

* * *

Tana sat in the pilot seat with her legs on the chair and her arms wrapped around them, staring out the window watching the stars whiz by. 

She wondered what she could possibly do to get Carth's trust back. She understood why he had such a hard time trusting people, and when she _finally_ gained his trust they just **_had_** to find out she was Revan! She shuddered at the thought that she was the Sith Lord known as Revan… the slaughterer of **_millions._** Tana hated the idea that she was Revan, but she knew it was true…

She wondered why she couldn't have just lived her life without knowing who she really was. But, she knew even if they didn't find out that she was Revan then, they would have found out sooner or later.

She wondered what would have happened if they never found out? Would anything have happened between her and Carth? She remembered thinking that Carth was attractive the first time she saw him… but didn't think anything further until one morning on Taris when he surprised her with breakfast in bed. She had to admit he was surprisingly a **_good_** cook, and he even put a tanta in a vase on the tray of food; that was when she realized there was more to him then the gruff soldier exterior he showed. She knew ever since that morning, she looked at him in a different way, and as they started to get to know each other better she slowly started to fall further and further in love with him.

Tana sighed; she realized there was no use wishing for something to happen between them when she didn't even know if she could get him to trust her again.

"Tana? There's something you should see in the supply room," Carth informed, with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"What? is something wrong?" Tana asked, swerving the chair around to face him.

"No nnothings wrong," Carth replied, with a slight stutter.

Tana looked uncertainly at him, then got up and followed him to the supply room.

To her surprise, there was a small table sitting in the center of the room. The "table" was a round storage container with an off-white tarp thrown over it as a tablecloth; there were two place settings set neatly on top of it.

She looked at him in surprise.

* * *

Carth stared into Tana's soft blue eyes and for a moment, just a moment, they seemed to be connected in a way that he couldn't explain. Snapping out of it, they quickly looked away from each other. 

Realizing that they were still standing in the middle of the hall, they walked into the supply room before sitting down at the table.

Carth silently stared at her, before he broke the silence. "I'm sorry for the way I acted before… the way I responded to the fact that you are… no… **_use_****_d _**to be Revan," Carth apologized.

"It's ok, I know you've been through a lot in the past…"

"No, it's not ok. You didn't do anything to deserve all the mistrust I've given you. You've been so understanding… it's one of the things I admire the most about you…"

Suddenly, the lights started to dim.

They both looked at each other as if asking if the other had anything to do with it… but the fact that neither of them were anywhere **_near_** the light switch, or anything that could dim the lights for that matter, led them to the conclusion that someone else had dimmed them.

Carth realized that the only other person who knew that he was getting together with Tana was Jolee… but what Carth couldn't figure out was how he knew **_when_** and **_where_** he was.

Carth smiled and shook his head.

"You know who dimmed the lights don't you?" Tana asked.

"Jolee," Carth replied.

"And why would Jolee want to dim the lights?"

"To make it more… romantic," Carth replied hesitantly.

"Romantic? But why…" Tana stopped.

Carth realized that something must have clicked inside her head, because suddenly she started to blush.

Just then, romantic music came blaring through the Ebon Hawk's speakers before quickly lowering to a more soothing tone.

Tana shook her head smiling. "I never would have guessed Jolee was a romantic at heart."

Carth had to admit the dimmed lights and romantic music was a good idea, but he wished Jolee had told him what he was going to do before hand. Just then, he realized the music was going through the **_entire_** ship. He knew that they were going to have to answer a **_lot_** of questions later, but he didn't want to think about that right now…all he wanted to think about was Tana.

"Why don't I get us some food?" Carth offered, getting up and filling up both of their plates before sitting down again. "Now what were we talking about?"

Tana thought for a moment "I believe that you weren't accepting my approval of your apology. Which by the way, I'm going to accept, whether you like it or not." Tana replied, a grin spreading across her face

Carth smiled back at her, if he had known it was going to be this easy he would have done it a long time ago.

* * *

Carth suddenly realized he still hadn't told Tana how he felt about her… which was the main reason for the dinner… that was now ending. Carth took a deep breath. "Tana, do you remember the day on Taris that you went out early to buy groceries? The day you bought perfume? 

"Yes, why? Tana asked curiously.

"That day was the day I… realized I had feelings for you that could develop into more then just friends… and I was wondering if you had the same feelings… if you don't that's fine… but if you do…"

Carth watched as Tana's eyes widened, her breath obviously catching in her throat; fearing the worst, he froze. But, before he could react, Tana leaped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her lips on his, engulfing them in a passionate kiss that seemed to last a lifetime.

They slowly pulled apart, staying in each other's arms as they stared deeply into each other's eyes…

After a few minutes, Tana finally broke the silence. "Do you remember the day you brought me breakfast in bed? Well, that was the day I realized I had feelings for you."

Carth smiled he felt relived, thrilled, and nervous all at the same time. "I guess I really don't have to ask this question, but I'm going to anyway, do you want to pursue a relationship with me?"

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Tana asked, smiling brightly at him.

Suddenly her smile started to fade. "Carth, I need to know something… Do you trust me?" Tana asked hesitantly.

Carth was caught completely off guard; did he trust her? Generally, yes, he'd trust her with his _life_… but did he **_completely_** trust her... he wasn't so sure… he knew he trusted her with everything but turning to the Dark Side… of course, he didn't trust anyone with that.

Tana sighed. "Never mind," she replied, sadness evident in her voice, as she started to pull away.

"**_No_**, Tana **_don't _**go I… I **_do_** trust you… it's just I know the Dark Side is… I mean I've see **_good_** people turn… I know you've resisted the Dark Side plenty of times, which is more then I can say for others… I… I can't see you **_ever_** turning… I'm just **_afraid_** you will…" Carth admitted.

"Carth, there's nothing that could **_ever_** happen that would make me turn to the Dark Side. I like my life here… with **_you_**… I know that it's not the best life… with hiding from the Sith and the Jedi Masters telling me what I should and shouldn't do… but I like it… And there's **_nothing_** that could **_ever_** happen to get me to turn to the Dark Side… Do you believe me?" Tana asked, staring directly at him.

"Yes… I do… but that doesn't make my fears go away," Carth informed her.

"How about we make a deal… You watch out for me and I'll watch out of you. We'll make sure that nether of us turn to the Dark Side or do anything that we will regret later," Tana offered.

Carth smiled. "You've got a deal," he replied, staring into her eyes.

Suddenly he lost the willpower to hold back anymore, he slowly leaned forward, placing his lips on hers. They pulled each other closer, letting go of the emotions that they had been keeping inside of themselves for so long.

They were finally together after everything they had been through; against all the odds, they had made it, finally able to have the happiness they both longed for. No matter how the rest of the mission turned out, Carth knew that their love would carry them through the end.


End file.
